This is Heloise. She is seven and a half months old. She likes long walks in her stroller, tasting the world, and sitting in Daddy’s arms. Her favourite foods are bananas, dates, and hummus.

Also, she learnt to crawl last week. Crawling at seven months is early in the normal range, but not ridiculously early, and we certainly knew it was coming. She had been pushing herself backwards and falling on her face for a few weeks. Gates for the stairs had been purchased, childproofing begun.

Today Heloise and I were sitting in the living room. She looked up at the coffee table, saw my glass of water there, and started to reach for it. As I got up to get her sippy cup she reached for the edge of the table, pulled herself to her knees, and then to standing. I rescued my water glass, but she didn’t mind, as she was happily chewing on the table edge. She stood there for a good three minutes before turning to look at the nearby chair. A hand went out, feet moved, balance was lost, and onto her ass she went. But it’s coming, it’s coming.

There is a very good chance we will have a child who walks but doesn’t yet respond appropriately to ‘No!’ ‘Stop!’ or ‘Dear God don’t eat that Heloise!’

We are definitely in trouble.

(There may eventually be philosophy done here again.)